45 lessons from a 45-year old Black woman


I turned 45-years old on May 4th. In spite of the world being turned upside down, my special day turned out to be super cute with tons of laughter, dancing, gifts, libations, hugs, and love. So in celebration, I thought to share 45 lessons learned and (often times) re-learned over the course of 40+ years of living. Hopefully you can learn a thing or two or three. Either way, enjoy!


1. Be silly, stop thinking you will outgrow it.

2. Spend time with your parents; cherish the days because as you get older, so are they.

3. Get out into nature, go for walks; find parks and arboretums and just sit your ass down.

4. Take care of your health; eating ice cream, pizza, or hot chips for breakfast every day is only acceptable when you are under 18.

5. Develop a love for exotic fruits and veggies.

6. Schedule your annual physical around your birthday so you never forget.

7. Invest in yourself. Buy that book, attend that lecture, take that course.

8. Get out of your head and travel by yourself. It is known to build crazy self confidence.

9. Do that thing (yes that thing!) that scares the shit out of you.

10. Pursue your passion, your hustle, your dream gig, if only on the side.

11. Keep a journal. It creates self-awareness; I have actively kept journals since I was 21.

12. Be a kind person. It does not make you weak.

13. Be a savage when need be. Balance is everything.

14. Follow your heart not your friends.

15. Connect with friends in a variety of ways, phone, text, email, video chat, letter writing, postcards. We all lead busy lives. It is okay to go old school.

16. Your friends will not always have time for you. Shit happens.

17. Love yourself; build self-esteem by doing things that make you stupid happy.

18. Notice how your date treats a server. It is very telling as to how they will treat you.

19. Date as often or as little as you like.

20. Know your relationship deal-breakers. At least 5 off the top.

21. Find out your Love Language; learn your partner’s as well.

22. Do good things just because. Give with no expectations.

23. Share your knowledge. You have a wealth of experience and information the world needs.

24. Listen to music and dance your ass off. IF you were not blessed with rhythm, join TikTok, there are dance tutorials!

25. Learn to laugh at yourself, it is rather sexy.

26. Hire someone to do something for you. You are not a freakin' island.

27. You will fail, it is a fact. Learn from it and move on.

28. If a door does not open the first, second or third time, find another door.

29. Start saving and investing right now. No age is too young.

30. Find time to daydream. Think about your future and the past but remain present.

31. Try to remember your night dreams; they are insightful.

32. Take photos of all the places you have been. Then print and frame the special ones.

33. Eat before you drink; keep a three-drink maximum, and do not mix dark and light liquor.

34. Be open-minded and tolerant of those who are different from you.

35. Smile and talk to strangers.

36. Veer off the beaten path; some of my best stories were unexpected adventures.

37. Never stop learning about your likes, dislikes, wants, and needs.

38. Ask questions. Then ask another one.

39. Being spiritual does not equate to never getting angry. Reread #13.

40. Go days without watching television. You will see the world differently.

41. Look people in the eyes when you talk to them. And smile when you do so.

42. Buy a plant, adopt an animal, name it, nurture it, and take care it.

43. You do not have to have your entire life figured out at 25 or 30 or 35 or even 40.

44. You will grow and evolve; stop holding onto who you once were.

45. Kiss and tell but leave some things for the imagination.